Why I’m a Virgin.

For some oddball reason, it’s currently a societal shame to still have your virginity in tact at the ripe old age of 21. But I’m going to stand up and say it, I still have the old V-card, and I haven’t even come close to turning it in. Oh you think I’m a prude? Maybe. You think I’m stuck up? Also maybe. You think I’m a religious nun that wears a chastity belt? Not quite. I’m going to tell you why I’ve chosen to be mystical unicorn in our society today…

For one thing, I originally did decide to save myself for my husband due to religious reasons. I made an agreement with God that I would remain pure, and while I still uphold my purity, it’s less for God and more for my own morals, which do correlate with God, so I’m just spinning this in circles now. I’m still somewhat religious, but I think that (some) religious-y anti-sex folks are pushy and judgmental. I’m not perfect, I don’t expect you to have your life together either. Not that sex before marriage implies you don’t have your life together, but I feel like it’s a right of passage thing. It’s up to each individual person, it’s a choice really, to decide when you’re ready for it.

…and I’m no where near ready for that choice. I believe sex is the most intense and romantic grand gesture you can do with a person. You’re literally giving yourself to that person. Saying, I trust you completely. Heck, it’s an act of love, you’re physically displaying your love for someone. I have never found a guy that I trusted with my life, nor a guy that I loved that much. I’m figuring that the guy who captures my heart and gets to watch me walk down the aisle, he’ll have captured my trust and my love 100% completely. Because if a guy did actually do that, I would marry him without a doubt. So while I still have trust issues and there’s no Prince Charming on the horizon, I’m saving myself for a better time, when I’m more ready for such a big step. Am I waiting for my wedding night? Not necessarily but I’m not writing it out of my plans just yet.

In addition, I find the idea of saving yourself for one person to be completely and utterly romantic and special. Like you, I waited to give myself in the most personal way, to you. Many of my friends who have had sex have mentioned that part of them wishes they had waited for a more important person to do the deed with. I’m not trying to be a prude, because I do like to have fun but I think that so many people see sex as this fun thing to do and they base a whole relationship on sex and how they feel. Isn’t sex about satisfying the other person’s needs? Hence, the act of love, which in case you don’t remember, is a selfless kind of a thing.  I think when I become more selfless and find real love, where I’m trying to make them happy and they’re equally concerned about my happiness, then maybe, just maybe it’ll happen (add a pinch of romance, a dash of butterflies and a whole lotta trust). I hope that one day, I do find someone who will win my trust and my heart (not just so we can have sex), but because I want to take part in one of the most beautiful, wonderful and tragic things to ever happen to any human. If I’m lucky enough to allow myself to freefall into the messy world of love, I only hope it’s with the right person, at the right time and we end up with an amazing and beautiful story. Because I think that’s what everyone deserves, a beautiful story with a happy ending.

Yours truly, B.

She’s Nobody’s Girlfriend

Dear reader, why is it socially unacceptable for me to be single? I am an independent twenty something young lady and I don’t need no man…. Right?

I always tell my friends that my single life is a choice. And while some people say that and then cry alone at night, I somewhat believe it’s genuinely true, at least for me. I have tried dating, I wasn’t happy. Recently, I had a boyfriend, but I was so wrapped up in finals week, that I ignored him and then felt guilty for being a horrible girlfriend. As far as my priorities are concerned, a boyfriend would get forgotten in mess of other things I care about. And no guy deserves that. However, my horoscope for this year spoke about ‘droves of amorous admirers’ and to be honest, it’s proving to be more true than my horoscope usually is. A friend of mine told me she was jealous because of my line of options, when she didn’t have any(not entirely true). She didn’t get why I chose to be single. Is it weird I choose to sleep alone, with no one to hold me? Is it wrong I choose to eat chocolate with my friends on Valentine’s because I honestly would have more fun?

I’m not saying I’m drop dead gorgeous and I have guys knocking down my door. I’ve been told that I’m cute, beautiful even and that I’m a sweetheart. I personally don’t see it and I think I’m the most annoying human on the planet. I guess I don’t want a guy who looks at me sees my outer beauty, I want him to know me for me; I want to seen as a beautiful person where it matters, in my heart. But I’m not saying I don’t get lonely. I do, and sometimes I even cry because the future looks so dismal and I only see myself becoming a spinster.

I could have a boyfriend. I could be in a meaningless relationship with someone just because I’m feeling lonely and it’s sometimes nice to have someone there. Any one of the guys who try to talk to me, I could flirt and go out with. They are all sweethearts, they would buy me things and tell me I’m pretty. But don’t people deserve to be treated better than that? I don’t want to toy with someone’s emotions, or more importantly, their heart. Being in a relationship is a slippery slope that’s hard to navigate even if you’re holding hands with the right person.

I guess maybe it’s partially due to me being picky, I’m waiting for prince charming to sweep me off my feet. He’ll be worth it, right? However, I believe in God and his plan and maybe my plan is to be single. I could live with that. I’ve gone years being single. Or maybe I will meet a guy and he’ll be the answer to every question I’ve ever asked. Either way, I’m going to find happiness and treat people the way they deserve to be treated. Because that’s love, that’s respect, and that’s the way I’m going to live my life.

So call me weird, call me crazy, but I refuse to be called that tease who broke everyone’s heart. I would much rather be called a cat lady spinster to be honest.

I hope you’re warm and safe today, dear reader. And I hope you never let anyone else tell you it’s wrong to be who you are.