It’s Okay.

My goal in life is to be the last little girl.

Today, for my 100 happy days, I was happy with myself. I didn’t think ‘ew you’re gross’ or ‘you suck’ or ‘you don’t deserve this or that.’ I want to live my own life, according to my rules. I don’t want to be defined by anyone else or anything. Today I saw myself in a new light. I’m sure that light will turn off tomorrow or in a week but for once I was able to find some peace with myself. Ideally, not the peace that I entirely want, but there’s definitely potential. Today I realized, it’s okay.

With the help of some friends and a certain lady named Taylor, I’ve found that life is pretty beautiful when you stop and look around. I think for most of my life I’ve had this notion that I would have it figured out by now. I would be happy in a relationship, I would be married one day. College was always that finish line in some sort of weird way. The thing is I have absolutely nothing figured out; I probably had it more figured out when I was seven. I’m weirdly okay with that right now. Like, for the first time, I don’t care that my life is messy and unplanned and that I’m alone. But I’m not alone and even when I am by myself, it’s okay.

Right now, I’m trying to accept that it’s absolutely positively okay to not have a single thing planned out. It’s okay to not be in relationship (Shout-out to everyone that keeps trying to convince me I need a relationship to be happy, I really want to prove you wrong. Shout-out to the one person who has tirelessly convinced me it’s not even close to being an important thing to have in life, you will always rock). It’s okay to dance around in your room with the same song on replay because it’s your favorite and it makes you feel free. It’s okay to be vulnerable  and sensitive (working on this, I swear…). If it brings you (real) happiness, then why shouldn’t you do it?

My current favorite quote that goes along with my current favorite song, from a really smart person,

“One thing I’ve learned is that there doesn’t have to be loneliness in being alone. You can find romance in your life even if you aren’t involved in a romance. Life can be beautiful and spontaneous and surprising and romantic and magical without you having some love affair happening. You can replace all of those feelings you used to have when you were enamoured with someone, with being enamoured with your friends and learning new things and challenging yourself and living life on your own terms.”

Here’s to finding romance, everywhere in life. Here’s to loving yourself and living life on your terms.

Love, B.

(p.s. if you haven’t white girl danced to the song New Romantics, you now have plans for the evening).

10 Reasons I’m Actually a Cat

  1. Sometimes people generally just annoy me. So I go off and glare at them from a distance, pretending to sleep.
  2. Other times, I’m super affectionate and won’t leave people alone. That’s, like, kind of rare though.
  3. I become more mellow and playful under the influence. (I don’t have catnip, but wine is great).
  4. I am territorial, especially of my favorite humans.
  5.  I am a fan of seafood. What is better than a heaping plate of shrimp and crab and lobster and salmon??? YUMMM!!!
  6.  My favorite activity is laying in the sunshine and drifting off to sleep.
  7. Next to perching myself somewhere up high and silently judging all those who walk past. Or you know, sitting in the local Starbucks and judging passerbys.
  8. I can become easily distracted by shiny things and will forget all other things and people in the pursuit of said shiny object.
  9. I am usually picky about most things, food, events, details, etc.
  10. I am a great hunter…. of bargains and deals when I go shopping, but my cat like reflexes make it much easier to snatch up those boots that are finally on sale and I’ve been dying to have…

Sincerely, an Unprepared College Senior

To Whom it May Concern,

I am writing today to address something that has been bothering me. Remember me? You saw me this past weekend? I know, you’re my mom’s high school friend or my dad’s co-worker. You’ve known me forever, we’ve gone to the same church since I was a baby! I’ve gone to school with your children our whole lives, how is Katie doing at Stanford, by the way? Somehow, we know each other and you are a caring adult who wants to know how my life is. Whoever you are, you have asked me some variation of the following three questions, which shouldn’t be asked until someone is in their last semester of college:

  • What are you doing after graduation?
  • Do you have a job lined up?
  • Have you started applying for jobs yet?

The answer to each of these questions is a very large ‘no.’ I would kindly ask that you stop asking me these questions. I don’t have any answers for them and I feel slightly dumb when I have no answer. I feel especially stupid when I say ‘no’ and you stare at me like I’m an idiot. No one has told me what is supposed to happen after I receive my diploma in May. There hasn’t been a class or seminar that has detailed every little stinking thing that I’m supposed to do (or already be doing) to ensure I’ll make good use out of my diploma that cost an arm and a leg plus all those blood, sweat and tears, hah hah. You see, while college has taught me many things that will be helpful once I graduate, college forgot to teach me a few things about actually getting a job.

So, when you ask ‘do you have a job lined up’ or ‘have you started applying,’ you send my little mind into a tail spin of questions that further sends me into an anxiety attack that I’m supposed to be doing big things at this current moment. Honestly, I’m just trying to make it through another semester and pull a decent overall GPA (and finish that TV series since all the seasons are now on Netflix, score!).

What I’m saying is I’m a 22 year old who honestly has no idea what is out in the real world. I found the following cartoon depicting what I feel like college has done to us millions of young adults. See, college is the doctor holding the really pretty picture and I’m the baby coming into the world with a diploma and a false sense of security because the real world is not that pretty. It’s not fair, ya know?

This also applies to college graduation.

But listen, I understand that you’re a caring adult who just wants to know how my life is. I am 100% grateful that you took the time to stop and ask me how things are going. I know you didn’t intend to give me an anxiety attack and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way. I’m just reaching out, so you know for  next time. Here are some things you can ask me:

  • How’s your senior year going?
  • Oh, you have an internship, what exactly do you do for that?
  • What’s your major again?
  • So what would you like to get into after graduation?
  • Where would you like to go after graduation/Are you staying in the area after you graduate?

These questions aren’t too hard and I can answer them pretty easily. I do know what I’d like to get into and where I’d like to be, plus I could go on for days about my internship, gee thanks for asking! I hope all is well with you. I can’t wait to see you again next year and I hope I can tell you all about my new job!

Or we can talk about how I am still living with my parents, ferociously on that job hunt…

Either way, it was nice seeing you again!

Sincerely, an Unprepared College Senior

Life of a Basic White Girl

Probably Instagramming their Starbucks….

Happy Thursday Reader!

If you weren’t previously aware of my state of person, I am a basic white girl. I hate to be a stereotype, but I do encompass the many qualities of a BWG. And I rock it all day every day. Here are some of my favorite qualities about my BWG self:

  1. I shamelessly carry my Starbucks latte around everywhere I go (PSL is baack!!!!). Goldcard members, unite!
  2. I own a white smartphone.
  3. I wear leggings as pants, on the reg. Literally, no tunics to cover my butt. I wear them as full on pants, but now that it’s fall again, I can wear them with over-sized sweaters (and riding boots… AND WITH SCARVES).
  4. I take too many ‘selfies.’
  5. I love to tell my friends how pretty they are. Then we get into fights about who is prettier, basically everyday.
  6. I also own TOMS and Keds.
  7. I wear sunglasses everyday, even when it’s not sunny, sometimes inside.
  8. Sephora is my favorite and, yes, I own an Urban Decay Eyeshadow Palette.
  9. Fall is one of my favorites because PUMPKIN. EVERYTHING. It’s just a grand old celebration of pumpkin flavored everything while wearing chunky scarves and taking pictures with falling leaves. *hearts aflutter*
  10. If a Taylor Swift comes on, anywhere, I will shamelessly white girl dance to it, loud off key singing included.
  11. Sockbuns are really great.
  12. I have seasonal candles all over my apartment.
  13. I quote Mean Girls and Bridesmaids on the reg.
  14. I can’t even right meow.
  15. Steve Madden accessories for the win.
  16. I need a jar of Nutella in my apartment at all times. Mostly for emergencies.
  17. SVU marathons define my day.
  18. All of my lady garments are from VS. Every. Single. One.
  19.  I say ‘on the reg’ on the reg.
  20. The video below is the best thing ever.

So what is life like for a BWG? Well, I think it’s pretty awesome to be honest. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I’m ashamed of who I am. I’m just a basic white girl trying to find her place in the world. There’s nothing wrong with that. People love to make fun of me for my love of Starbucks or my obsession with pumpkin, but those things make me happy. If at the end of the day, I’m happy, then I really don’t care what anyone else thinks. I think the key to life is finding out who you are and once you do, you embrace it and you rock it to your best abilities. If someone doesn’t like that about you, then you can straight up tell them to get out of your way while you go conquer the world.

So that’s who I honestly am. If you don’t like it, then click the ‘X’ and never come back.  But know this, Reader, I hope you know who you are and that everyday you strive to be the best you that you can be. Because that matters, a lot.

Love, B.

P.S. Just saying, I really think that everyone has a little bit of white girl inside of them, whether they want to admit it or not. Reader, I hope you know this, and that one day you embrace you inner BWG. I’ll be waiting for you at Starbucks.

OOTD!

OOTD!

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Here’s my OOTD look for my internship. I’m in love with this Loft blouse and my ankle moto jeggings from American Eagle. I kept it simple with a pair of black flats.I usually wear my hair down, so I was excited to have it styled in a low bun. I definitely felt classy and sophisticated in this OOTD!

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