6 AM Thoughts

“Where do you see yourself in five years, one year even?”

My boss asked me that question yesterday in my review. Luckily, he also said that I didn’t need to answer right then and could think about it. He wanted to know so he could better shape my experience, giving me tasks and goals that would help me get to where I wanted to be.

Long story short, my job is a hybrid role of two roles, which is quite confusing and can be quite stressful. In the next few months, the role will no longer be a hybrid role; it will change to be just the duties of one of the sides. I have to decide which side to leap to. Thankfully my boss is traveling for the next week or so and I have some time to think.

I keep thinking back to just one year ago. When I would spend most waking moments looking for jobs on Indeed. I was obsessed with LinkedIn and my resume. I wanted to leave college and do something with my degrees, even something my heart wasn’t set on. Just something that would help me get there. What was my heart set on?

And that’s the thing, I can’t quite remember.

Well I sort of can, and my heart was set on one of the sides of my hybrid role actually. But you know when you’re looking at a Monet and it’s beautiful, but up really close it’s blurry and mushy looking, nothing pretty? Not quite the same with this job, but since I’ve been in the role and seen the day to day, it’s different than I thought it would be in many ways. And I wonder if I’m up to par for it. Does that role match my skill set? Which role will I really excel at? Which will challenge me? I know which one pays more and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about that (I’m human), but I’m not using that as a major factor, to be honest.

There are dozens of more specifics that I would need to relay to you for you to understand the ins and outs of this decision. It’s hard, so hard, that I was up on a Saturday morning at 5:30 just thinking about it. Of course, when someone asks you where you want to be in five years, you begin looking larger scope than just your job. You think about your life, would I be married, have kids? Or would I be married to my work, social and fitness routines as I am now? Would I have a dog, 4 cats? I know one thing for sure, I will have wine in the fridge.

In five years, I’ll be 28. Where do I want to be? More importantly, who do I want to be?

Reader, have you ever been sitting in my boat? Any advice?

Love, B.