Black Lives Matter

During these tremulous times, I truly hope every single one of you is staying safe and doing well. I have been horrified by the events in Minneapolis and the senseless deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and other acts of violence against the Black community.

I am no expert and have benefitted my entire life from being swaddled in white privilege. As I educate myself and learn how to use my privilege to help those around me, I can only hope you are doing something similar to help better the world for those around you, especially in the Black community.

I’ve linked some things that I’ve been finding helpful/interesting, I hope they’ll be useful to you in your life.

For those protesting, please be safe and know your rights. 

Donation pages:

Documentaries:

  • 13th (Ava DuVernay) — Netflix
  • American Son (Kenny Leon) — Netflix
  • If Beale Street Could Talk (Barry Jenkins) — Hulu
  • Dear White People (Justin Simien) — Netflix
  • King In The Wilderness  — HBO
  • When They See Us (Ava DuVernay) — Netflix
  • See You Yesterday (Stefon Bristol) — Netflix

Books (please order/shop at one of these Black Owned Bookstores):

  • Bad Feminist by Roxanne Gay
  • White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo
  • Dying of Whiteness by Jonathan M. Metzl
  • The Color of Law by Richard Rothstein
  • Becoming by Michelle Obama
  • Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge

And for those of you missing a true leader right now, here is a well written piece by Barack Obama that is worth a read.

Stay safe and please, if nothing else, get out and vote.

Sincerely,

Sara Ann

 

Cons of Being a Wallflower

I am what you call a wallflower. I like to slink around unnoticed, observing other people. I read books, go to bed at 9PM, and have lived a mostly uneventful life, going to Target and drinking Starbucks. I know this may sound self-deprecating, and maybe it is, but I don’t mean it to be. I am fully aware I am more on the vanilla end of the spectrum. For the most part, I am more than happy with this life arrangement, except oddly, when it comes to swimsuits. Because of who I am, I am a solid neutral swimsuit kind of girl, even though I secretly wish I could be a bright pattern or bright color swimsuit wearer. Does this make sense? Let me explain.

When I was a little girl, I didn’t give a second thought to what my swimsuit looked like. As long as it was in my favorite color (pink), had flowers or my favorite character on it, I was sold. Fast forward 20 some years and I dread buying a new suit. I always end up with a solid neutral, even though I want the bright pattern or color. I want the red or the colorful floral, but I get the dark purple or black.

These are the suits that draw my eye upon first shopping, if I’m being totally honest. Deep down, when think about who I want to be, I want to be a loud pattern, look-at-me swim suit kind of gal, without the people looking at me part. I know that I can buy hundreds of these loud suits, but I more than likely won’t have the confidence to wear them. I’ll put it on, get anxiety about anyone noticing me, and put on my old faithful black bikini (also to note, a bikini that covers most of my ass).

I sometimes try to think about when this all started. Did something happen? Or did I just learn from society slowly over time that I am not the kind of girl who wears these suits? I am not the ‘look at me’ girl. I am a wallflower with an average body, a flat chest and 2 pack of abs (I am very proud of those, thank you very much).

I also don’t consider myself a ‘sexy’ person, I have been and will always be, cute. Again, I am mostly fine with this. I literally get waves of anxiety when I see women wearing thong bikinis (their butt is literally out, why even have bottoms on at all?), let alone a bright look at me color, or pattern.  I’m not judging these girls (fine maybe a bit). I don’t want to be judging those girls. I guess I’m envious of their self confidence more than anything, that they get to be ‘sexy’ while I’m ‘cute.’ Who dealt these cards anyway?

How does one become confident whilst not having been dealt the sexy card? But looking in further, why is sexy always hand in hand with confident? Isn’t there a sexiness to being quietly aloof and mysterious? I suppose in some scenarios, but no, I am a nice girl, who doesn’t want to speak too loudly or make herself overly noticed as to not take away from others. Cute.  To clarify, though, I do not necessarily want to be sexy, like the women who wear the thong bikini; though, you go girl, you do you. I just want to be the girl who puts on a loud pattern or cherry red swimsuit, and doesn’t give it another thought.

Is that so much to ask?

Sincerely,

Sara Ann

 

A Day For Change

Happy Earth Day, everyone! Such a different Earth day this year; it’s hard not be able to celebrate by planting trees or protesting climate change, so we should at least be taking the time to educate ourselves for when we’re allowed back into society and can help make some change in this world.

Since we’re all watching TV anyway, why not watch a documentary? I put together a list of  (mostly free) documentaries that discuss sustainability, climate change and the planet’s health. I watched An Inconvenient Sequel (2017) last night, and it was very enlightening to say the least. I plan on watching The True Cost tonight.

  1. The Biggest Little Farm (2018)– on hulu, with subscription
  2. An Inconvenient Sequel (2017)– free on Crackle
  3. The True Cost (2015)–  free on tubi
  4. Chasing Coral (2017)– on Netflix, with subscription
  5. A Plastic Ocean (2016)– on Netflix, with subscription
  6. Blackfish (2013)– on hulu, with subscription
  7. Forks Over Knives— on Netflix, with subscription
  8. Cowspiracy (2014)– on Netflix, with subscription

What are your plans for Earth Day? Have you seen any of the films on my list and would recommend?

Sincerely,

Sara Ann

How’s the Year Going?

For New Year’s I made some goals for myself to work towards in 2020. If you need a refresher, they can be found here. Since I don’t have much going on, I thought it might be a good time to check in and reset if needed.

  1. Save money– still not going well. There’s always something I need to buy, or correctly, want to buy.  It’s a sickness, but I have been trying to think through purchases a bit more before I make them. Baby steps, right? Since quarantine, I’ve been worse at purchasing things that aren’t exactly necessary (like loads of books, outdoor furniture…), but I did put my tax refund and stimulus check towards my debt, so here’s to trying! I think my savings goal was a bit over adventurous, best to work on my debt before I start saving too much.
  2. Read more- I’ve read 17 books so far this year, I would say I’m doing fairly well with this one! Might go above my goal?
  3. Make friends– hah, nope. I was trying to be friendlier at work to people I don’t necessarily work with, and I tried to join a book group on MeetUp but then pandemic happened so haven’t made any progress here. Since in quarantine, I’ve been trying to facetime with those people who are my friends?
  4. Make 5 difficult recipes– I made a roast chicken! It was SUPER gross and I almost vomited like twice, but it was super rewarding in the end. And tasty! I tried a new cinnamon roll recipe but haven’t done much cooking other than instant pot and easy meals. It’s hard to be adventurous in the kitchen when only half the grocery store is stocked.
  5. Be present– I was doing fairly well with this one, but quarantine and tik tok happened and my screen report makes me cringe every Sunday morning (can we just agree Apple should stop doing that until this is over?).

Did you make goals for the year? If so, how are they going? Is quarantine impacting them, either positively or negatively? I’ve love to hear about it in the comments below!

Sincerely,

Sara Ann

 

Homesick, Kind Of.

Since moving to LA, I haven’t really been homesick, if I’m being totally honest. Yes, there have been moments when my family was gathering and I was thousands of miles away that made me a little bummed, but nothing that made me genuinely want to be somewhere else. Since I’ve been “on my own” for a few years now, it’s been easier and easier to hang up after a Skype with my family and not feel sad.

That is, until recently. I had a wave of homesickness at the most unexpected moment. And truth be told, it wasn’t even a homesickness for my actual home.

It happened at the dentist. I finally made an appointment to see a dentist here in LA. Upon arriving, I was greeted and taken back to the room, my dental hygienist not saying much at all. The dentist himself was nice, but it just seemed off, like I can’t quite put my finger on it, you know? While I was waiting for him to come back to the room, I almost started crying; I had a wave of sadness hit and I realized that I missed my dentist in Ohio. Dr. Clark was so genuine and helpful. He always took time to answer any questions or just ask about my day. I missed my dental hygienist, Whitney, who was so kind and bubbly and warm; her chatter always made me forget about any nerves or anxieties.

In that moment, I would have given anything to be in the dental chair in New Albany, Ohio instead of LA. I wanted to walk out, if I’m being perfectly honest. I just wanted to cry. I hadn’t really felt that way since many years before, when I had first moved away from home in PA to live in Columbus. And maybe it’s all the craziness that’s happening in the world today that pushed me to the brink, but that day at the dentist, I found that I truly missed someone, some place so badly, that it made Ohio feel even more like home. And while LA is fun and I’ll never regret moving here, I can’t wait for the day I get to return to the buckeye state (O-H!)

Sincerely,

Sara Ann