Note: This post was originally written in May 2016; I found it in my drafts and felt it needed to be shared. I am currently in a relationship, praise be I don’t have to swipe right and left, but to all my single ladies, this is for you.
Single. I have always been single (or at least, it seems like I have). I’ve never had a Valentine, or a kiss on New Years. My mom is my emergency contact and I have dozens of cat names saved in a file on my desktop, you know, for the inevitable. This past year, I said screw it, and I embraced being single. I rocked being single. I was like THE ultimate single girl. But recently, I realized I was a little too comfortable in my singleness and thought I might dabble in dating (this was a result of a glass of wine…or 4).
Obviously, in this day and age, my immediate reaction was to go to my app store. Tinder? Eck. Hinge? Ehhh. Bumble? Hm Bumble. I got the power to choose who I talked to. I liked that. Bumble it was.
I created an account on a Sunday night when boredom set in and yet another episode of New Girl started to roll. I choose a few pictures from Facebook, just my A game selfies and a few pics with work friends. I like to have fun! they exclaimed to the eye of the beholder. Then, it prompted me to give a description. I hate descriptions, loathe them entirely. I don’t find my self as nearly as exciting as others do; I once described myself as vanilla to my coworkers and I was nearly crucified for being that self deprecating.
In that moment, I skipped the description. I then settled in, swiping left and right, evaluating pictures and descriptions…not getting a single match. I will add here that I am a bit picky and my left to right swipe ratio was probably shifted much more to swiping left.
Four days later and still no matches. Was I doing this right?
Finally, matches! Now I have to add that I went home to my small hometown on Thursday and spent the weekend in that pool of Bumble users. This could have affected my results, as the pool of dating is smaller in my hometown and surrounding area so guys may or may not have lower standards. Not saying I’m low standard, but choosing out of, say, 70 girls versus choosing out of 300 girls, there’s a big difference and one can afford to be more choosy in a big city. That is just fact (Also, I’m like a solid 9 in my hometown, current city I live in, I’m a 6, sometimes 7. Just another fact).
While I was home, I also had time to think (and think and think) of a description, hooray! I personally think it read that I was easy going, enjoyed the little things, and didn’t mind admitting I was a basic bitch.
Doughnut enthusiast, sometimes painter, and unapologetic Starbucks lover. Kindness is my favorite quality and laughing is my favorite hobby.
See list of also incredible, but unfortunately rejected one line descriptions below:
- Netflix enthusiast
- Lil Sebastian fan
- I probably drink too much pink wine
- Basic AF
- Naps are better than people
- Future Cat Lady
- Sometimes shopaholic
- Real Life Woo Girl
- I work in Men’s underwear, let’s chat.
‘….Did her witty description work? Did the mass incoming flow of matches crash her phone? Did she find love on Bumble?’
‘…..Tune in next week for part 2!’