33 Thoughts Every Non-Athletic Girl Has on the Treadmill

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  1. Ugh, it’s 9 on a Saturday, why am I here?
  2. Oh, that’s right I want Taylor Swift legs.
  3. WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE HERE?
  4. Great, now I have to wander around looking for an empty machine.
  5. Of course the only treadmill open is next to a gazelle running smoothly at a 7.0 mph speed.
  6. Is she  even sweating?
  7. HOW IS SHE NOT PANTING.
  8. Okay, okay I can increase my speed to run.
  9. Wait, I need a song with a better tempo.
  10. Sorry Biebs, Sorry isn’t a running song….
  11. Adele? No, who made this playlist?
  12. I should contact Spotify and ask to speak to the person who makes these playlists.
  13. Oh, YAS. Nicki, you know how to get me moving.
  14. Okay, I’m running…I’m running!
  15. In through nose, out through mouth. In through nose, out through mouth.
  16. I wonder if Gazelle has to remember how to breathe.
  17. *side glance* REALLY. How is she not sweating?!
  18. Hm, I wonder when I’ll have enough money to care about wearing cute workout clothes from Lulu.
  19. Should I not be wearing my old college tshirt to work out in?
  20. No, I’m covered in sweat, Idgaf about how cute I look. COME AT ME GAZELLE.
  21. But next time I’m at Target, I need like one or two sporty tops. Maybe some active leggings?
  22. I must have been running for at least ten minutes now.
  23. *glances at clock* IT’S ONLY BEEN FOUR MINUTES ARE YOU ACTUALLY KIDDING ME.
  24. What’s the shortest amount of time that I could run without looking lame?
  25. Woohoo, hit a half mile, look at me now!
  26. I’m run-ning, I’m run-ning,dee dee la la la
  27. In through nose, out through mouth. In through nose, out through mouth.
  28. Okay, still running, when does running end?
  29. What do I do if my lungs burst or I pass out?
  30. Oh, if I pass out, my body will fall onto the fast part of the treadmill and somehow, I’ll die.
  31. Hm, this isn’t safe. I need to not pass out, dying would suck. At the very least, I would smack my head off something…
  32. *glances at clock* IT’S ONLY BEEN ONE MINUTE SINCE THE LAST TIME CHECK.
  33.  Okay, I’m done. I’m going to buy donuts.

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