Have you ever picked up everything and moved to a new place, not knowing a single soul, leaving all the people and places you love behind? If yes, then I suppose you get what I’m going through. If not, then I might sound like I’ve lost my marbles. I haven’t necessarily, but many things are sort of grey right now, not a lot of black and white, definitive things.
Maybe you do know what I’m going through though. It happens to many young adults, since being a twentysomething is chalk full of change and uncertainty, which results most often in an identity crisis. Jim Freed explains it well in his Thought Catalog article, 22 Things You Most Likely Didn’t Know About A Quarterlife Crisis,
….the quarterlife crisis is a response to overwhelming instability, constant change, too many choices, and a panicked sense of helplessness…..In Erikson’s groundbreaking book Childhood and Society, published in 1950, he posits that each stage of life from infancy to old age entails a specific struggle that defines the personality of the individual. The quarterlife crisis can be traced to Stage 6, or young adulthood, when intimacy competes with isolation. After coming out of the identity crisis of adolescence, individuals are ready to form relationships with others through close friendships and romantic relationships that create a sense of stability. The main variable is the fear of rejection. While most people overcome it and form these relationships, others fail to do so and end up in a state of isolation and despair.
So, because of this chaos, I am having trouble understanding who I am. Not in a existential sort of way, but in a ‘who am I as this twentysomething in Columbus, OH?’ I’m not the unemployed twentysomething from a small town in PA anymore. I’m not the reckless college student who didn’t have a care in the world anymore. So, who am I exactly?
Currently, I’m the person who goes to work, then begrudgingly drags her whimpy self to the gym, and then binge watches Netflix while eating popcorn and drinking cheap wine until she can safely go to bed at 9PM sharp. It’s safe and comfortable, but is that who I want to be necessarily? Not really if I have to think about it, at least in a not every night kind of way, you know?
I’ve also been sadly reminiscing about college and how life was before #adult. Things like going out on a Friday night without my college friends, making breakfast and going on walks without them make me sad. Also I hate going to Starbucks and not having someone to sit there for three hours discussing nothing and everything. It’s weird that I keep seeing the quote, “You can’t start a new chapter if you’re too busy re-reading the last one.” I mean, I literally have seen it five times in the last two days at random. But it’s made me realize that I can’t stop reading the last chapter because this new chapter is a big question mark and there’s no telling what will happen.
So maybe I’m having a quarter life crisis, or maybe I’m getting ready to let go of my last chapter and start a new one. I honestly couldn’t tell you. Reader, do you know what I’m talking about? Maybe motivational words of wisdom from someone who’s been here?