I read an insightful article the other day and quite honestly, it was a slap in the face (a good one, of course). It woke me up and made me look hard in the mirror so that I could better understand something that I had been keeping from myself. The article, which I highly recommend, discusses how many females are becoming unable to be vulnerable with others, especially in relationships. If you’ve read anything else I’ve written about my personal love journey, then you know that I am one of those females.
This is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. I have been known to Google the phrase, ‘how to be vulnerable.’ I just thought I was born without a vulnerable or emotional bone in my body. I felt sorry for overly sensitive friends and always wondered how they could allow themselves to be so open to things that would only hurt them in the end. I searched high and low for tips and tricks to learn how to become vulnerable.
Only that wasn’t ever the problem.
In the article, the author, Zara Barrie, kindly points out a fact about herself, that I couldn’t help but relate to,
I’m an extremely vulnerable entity. In fact, most days when I wake up, I feel like the most vulnerable creature ever to grace the planet. But that doesn’t mean I want to let you know that.
The more deeply sensitive you are, the further the knife cuts when pain is inflicted upon you, so you take great measures to ensure your walls are extra high…
There it was, my slap in the face. I thought I was coldhearted, aloof and terribly unable to feel emotion. My problem all along has been that I am, in fact, a terribly vulnerable and sensitive person who has built sky high walls to protect that deep sensitivity. Though some people are sensitive, they still wear their heart proudly on their sleeve. I just keep mine in a cage behind a 72 ft wall maze. For years, I thought the stone walls I built were to keep the vulnerability and emotion out, but all along, the vulnerability that I need in life has been trapped inside, locked away with my perfect heart. I have always related to Holly Golighty in Breakfast at Tiiffany’s because she never wants to be put in a cage. Isn’t it funny, though, that exactly where I’ve been for the past few years.
So, how do I go about letting my vulnerability out? I guess when the right guy comes along, I’ll force myself to do just that, bit by bit. But my perfect heart? Well, I am a perfectionist and I don’t like things to get all ruined. Mine has never been broken, or even scratched. It’s really quite ‘just like new’ and even as I type that sentence I feel a bit sad. I want to experience love, but getting hurt and no longer having a perfect heart? That doesn’t sound so fun.
However, if I’ve learned anything in the last year, it’s that being perfect doesn’t do much in getting you anywhere in the world. Life experiences, skills and knowledge will get you where you need to go though. So maybe I’ll take my own advice and try to take my heart out for a spin. Hopefully after a wild ride, it’ll still be in tact.
How about you, Reader? Have you ever struggled to be vulnerable? Let me know in the comments!
Read Barrie’s article on Elite Daily here!