For some oddball reason, it’s currently a societal shame to still have your virginity in tact at the ripe old age of 21. But I’m going to stand up and say it, I still have the old V-card, and I haven’t even come close to turning it in. Oh you think I’m a prude? Maybe. You think I’m stuck up? Also maybe. You think I’m a religious nun that wears a chastity belt? Not quite. I’m going to tell you why I’ve chosen to be mystical unicorn in our society today…
For one thing, I originally did decide to save myself for my husband due to religious reasons. I made an agreement with God that I would remain pure, and while I still uphold my purity, it’s less for God and more for my own morals, which do correlate with God, so I’m just spinning this in circles now. I’m still somewhat religious, but I think that (some) religious-y anti-sex folks are pushy and judgmental. I’m not perfect, I don’t expect you to have your life together either. Not that sex before marriage implies you don’t have your life together, but I feel like it’s a right of passage thing. It’s up to each individual person, it’s a choice really, to decide when you’re ready for it.
…and I’m no where near ready for that choice. I believe sex is the most intense and romantic grand gesture you can do with a person. You’re literally giving yourself to that person. Saying, I trust you completely. Heck, it’s an act of love, you’re physically displaying your love for someone. I have never found a guy that I trusted with my life, nor a guy that I loved that much. I’m figuring that the guy who captures my heart and gets to watch me walk down the aisle, he’ll have captured my trust and my love 100% completely. Because if a guy did actually do that, I would marry him without a doubt. So while I still have trust issues and there’s no Prince Charming on the horizon, I’m saving myself for a better time, when I’m more ready for such a big step. Am I waiting for my wedding night? Not necessarily but I’m not writing it out of my plans just yet.
In addition, I find the idea of saving yourself for one person to be completely and utterly romantic and special. Like you, I waited to give myself in the most personal way, to you. Many of my friends who have had sex have mentioned that part of them wishes they had waited for a more important person to do the deed with. I’m not trying to be a prude, because I do like to have fun but I think that so many people see sex as this fun thing to do and they base a whole relationship on sex and how they feel. Isn’t sex about satisfying the other person’s needs? Hence, the act of love, which in case you don’t remember, is a selfless kind of a thing. I think when I become more selfless and find real love, where I’m trying to make them happy and they’re equally concerned about my happiness, then maybe, just maybe it’ll happen (add a pinch of romance, a dash of butterflies and a whole lotta trust). I hope that one day, I do find someone who will win my trust and my heart (not just so we can have sex), but because I want to take part in one of the most beautiful, wonderful and tragic things to ever happen to any human. If I’m lucky enough to allow myself to freefall into the messy world of love, I only hope it’s with the right person, at the right time and we end up with an amazing and beautiful story. Because I think that’s what everyone deserves, a beautiful story with a happy ending.
Yours truly, B.