the end of another year.

I’ve been twenty for such a short time and I’m no closer to figuring it all out, but I know what it feels like. It feels like you’re standing in the middle of nowhere. You don’t have a road map or guide or clue of what to do. There are people screaming at you, telling you that you won’t succeed, that you’re not skinny or pretty enough. There are praises as well, but those voices aren’t quite loud enough. And on that road, standing alone, these voices become the soundtrack to your everyday life, something that you can’t escape. Some ignore them better than others, some get lost and follow the negative thoughts that swirl around and capture them into the darkest rapture of life.

The twenties are a rough time my friends. Try to avoid this decade if you can, but precede with caution when you start down this crazy and winding path. Find a friend to make it less scary and never forget the person you were when you started. Hold onto the values you were taught, there are villains at every turn who will try and persuade you otherwise. All the things you know and have learned, don’t you remember those things? Do you remember how it felt to twirl in a pink dress before you knew that the word beautiful even existed, let alone what it meant? Do you remember smiling in the mirror before there was a pound of makeup caked on your face? Do you remember how you saw the world before then? It was nicer, wasn’t it?

When did these things happen? It’s like I woke up one day and I realized I wasn’t me. It was like coming out of a fog. Who I was would be ashamed of who I am, in every possible way. There are things I’m not proud of, but I’m not saying I regret them. I learned things, important things, and while I necessarily won’t be a whole new person on the dawn of my birthday, i know that as long as I stay true to myself, maybe it won’t be so bad. The nine years I have left to wander around, without one ounce of my sh*t together, maybe they’ll be okay and I’ll survive. Maybe I’ll learn to love myself or I’ll find success or fortune. or maybe, I’ll find happiness.

 

In nine years, if I come out of all this with a smile on my face, then maybe, just maybe, I did something right.

 

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