She’s Nobody’s Girlfriend

Dear reader, why is it socially unacceptable for me to be single? I am an independent twenty something young lady and I don’t need no man…. Right?

I always tell my friends that my single life is a choice. And while some people say that and then cry alone at night, I somewhat believe it’s genuinely true, at least for me. I have tried dating, I wasn’t happy. Recently, I had a boyfriend, but I was so wrapped up in finals week, that I ignored him and then felt guilty for being a horrible girlfriend. As far as my priorities are concerned, a boyfriend would get forgotten in mess of other things I care about. And no guy deserves that. However, my horoscope for this year spoke about ‘droves of amorous admirers’ and to be honest, it’s proving to be more true than my horoscope usually is. A friend of mine told me she was jealous because of my line of options, when she didn’t have any(not entirely true). She didn’t get why I chose to be single. Is it weird I choose to sleep alone, with no one to hold me? Is it wrong I choose to eat chocolate with my friends on Valentine’s because I honestly would have more fun?

I’m not saying I’m drop dead gorgeous and I have guys knocking down my door. I’ve been told that I’m cute, beautiful even and that I’m a sweetheart. I personally don’t see it and I think I’m the most annoying human on the planet. I guess I don’t want a guy who looks at me sees my outer beauty, I want him to know me for me; I want to seen as a beautiful person where it matters, in my heart. But I’m not saying I don’t get lonely. I do, and sometimes I even cry because the future looks so dismal and I only see myself becoming a spinster.

I could have a boyfriend. I could be in a meaningless relationship with someone just because I’m feeling lonely and it’s sometimes nice to have someone there. Any one of the guys who try to talk to me, I could flirt and go out with. They are all sweethearts, they would buy me things and tell me I’m pretty. But don’t people deserve to be treated better than that? I don’t want to toy with someone’s emotions, or more importantly, their heart. Being in a relationship is a slippery slope that’s hard to navigate even if you’re holding hands with the right person.

I guess maybe it’s partially due to me being picky, I’m waiting for prince charming to sweep me off my feet. He’ll be worth it, right? However, I believe in God and his plan and maybe my plan is to be single. I could live with that. I’ve gone years being single. Or maybe I will meet a guy and he’ll be the answer to every question I’ve ever asked. Either way, I’m going to find happiness and treat people the way they deserve to be treated. Because that’s love, that’s respect, and that’s the way I’m going to live my life.

So call me weird, call me crazy, but I refuse to be called that tease who broke everyone’s heart. I would much rather be called a cat lady spinster to be honest.

I hope you’re warm and safe today, dear reader. And I hope you never let anyone else tell you it’s wrong to be who you are.

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